


Love will light up my room

by aryastark_valarmorghulis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Love, First Time, Getting Together, Hogwarts Era, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryastark_valarmorghulis/pseuds/aryastark_valarmorghulis
Summary: Hogwarts, 1978.Remus and Sirius during their first night together.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 212





	Love will light up my room

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my wonderful Beta [maraudorable](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentthunder/pseuds/maraudorable).

Sirius looks like an artist's dream when he’s asleep, hair fanned out like inky rays on the pillow, a few messy strands falling on his forehead, dark lashes casting impalpable shades on his cheeks. He grumbles in his sleep, shuffling on the narrow bed, sheets ruffling when he curls up on his side, his pale cheek reddened with pillow lines.

Remus, sitting cross-legged next to him, propped on his own pillow, stares because the single night they spent together isn’t enough to sate his love cravings – or his Sirius cravings, but by now they’re pretty much the same. All the love Remus possesses has seeped into Sirius, and he’s not sure he’ll ever untangle it from him – he’s not sure he even wants to.

The four-poster bed’s curtains are shut, hiding them inside a fort built with Silencing Charms and hushed words – Remus knows it’s still night because a sliver of moonlight is trickling through the smallest slot between the velvety drapes. He looks at Sirius’ hand, aglow and curled on the sheets, and he understands that all the soppy poems he’s ever read are right, even the bad ones, especially the bad ones, since he foolishly hopes there’s a spell that can freeze time so that this night can last for weeks, or months. Or a lifetime.

Remus raises his upturned palm mid-air and concentrates until a small blue flame fires up above his open hand, its cold dim light flickering at first before slowly turning steady, the bluish glow spilling over Sirius’ sleeping form.

Slowly, carefully, Remus waves his fingers until the flame hovers just above Sirius’ head, floating gently and painting his face in dark shadows and fluttering stripes of light; Remus can’t resist tucking the hair away from his face, caressing the silky strands between his fingers for a moment, lying next to him with an elbow propped on the edge of the pillow. He can feel the warmth of Sirius’ breath on his lips, the same lips that were kissing him only a couple of hours ago.

He leans in, their noses almost brushing – right now he could confess to Sirius his deepest secrets in the silent clutch of darkness, except he doesn’t have any secrets left: Sirius knows his body better than he does, in the most intimate way, knows all his fears and insecurities. He must know Remus loves him – even if Remus hasn’t said it. Sirius has, in the heat of the moment.

“I love you,” Remus whispers to the silence, testing the words on his tongue like a never-before-attempted spell. He’ll say it for real one day, or maybe tomorrow.

His fingers itch to trace Sirius’ profile, the smooth brow, the straight nose, the perfect bow of his lips, the angular jaw, rough with stubble – he’s so handsome that Remus is struggling to believe Sirius is really here, in his bed, that Sirius really held him and undressed him and kissed him and looked at Remus like he’s something precious and whispered the sweetest words against his skin.

He thinks, as he often does lately, about the N.E.W.T.s approaching, and then about being thrown into the unknown black hole that life post-Hogwarts is.

He worries this fragile, barely born love wouldn’t last after the summer, he fears it will die in the cold bitterness of winter, crushed by job hunts, different living accommodations, bills to be paid, Death Eater attacks. Maybe they’ll simply grow up into different people and become strangers who were everything to each other as kids.

That night, during a chess match, Sirius dismissed his concern as ridiculous, as _Moony being his troubled self again,_ and promised it would never happen to them – not to the Marauders, not to him and Remus. After seeing Remus’ not too certain look, he overturned the chessboard, grabbed Remus’ robes and kissed him on the mouth, Kings and Queens and Towers and Knights falling on the floor and screaming at them in outrage. But all Remus could hear was his own heart in his mouth, kissed away by Sirius’ sweet lips.

Is it even possible, a world without his friends? A world without Sirius seems unfathomable – a bleak, starless void. Remus brushes the seam of Sirius’ lips with a fingertip, softly because he doesn’t want to wake him up, and then his nose, his cheek; Sirius seems so young and innocent under the dim blue light, warm and familiar and yet thrillingly new now that Remus is allowed to touch, to kiss, to taste.

“Mmm...” Sirius mumbles against the pillow, blinking slowly until his sleepy eyes focus on Remus. Then he smiles and Remus must be smiling as well. “Moony...” He yawns and stretches, curling a hand at the back of Remus’ neck. “Please, tell me you were wanking and not worrying _again_?”

Remus chuckles. “I would have woken you up if I was wanking!”

Sirius groans and rolls his eyes, but the effect is kind of ruined because he’s pressing himself against Remus, rubbing their noses together, his hand sliding from Remus’ neck to the small of his back.

“You’re being a plonker again,” he says, not unkindly. “I thought my arguments were compelling enough.”

Remus kisses him, tasting his sweet mouth again. “They are,” he murmurs against his lips.

“Then stop thinking about how horribly things could go,” Sirius says, pushing Remus’ shoulder until he lies on his back. 

Sirius braces himself above him on one elbow, his hand stroking Remus’ stomach under his threadbare t-shirt, his touch soothing and exhilarating at the same time. Remus swallows and he’s not sure what turns him on more, Sirius’ fingers dipping under the waistband of his underwear or the realization that Sirius wants him again.

Earlier, their first time was clumsy with inexperience and eagerness, but so, so tender, Sirius shuddering and Remus trembling because it wasn’t only about getting off – even though that was wonderful – but about being stripped of the walls he’d built around himself, only his raw, vulnerable self left in Sirius’ arms.

Remus buries his nose in Sirius’ hair, hands clutching his bare waist – he’s still naked, skin hot and smooth and firm.

“It will be alright, we’ll be together,” Sirius says. He presses his lips to Remus’ forehead, his nose, his lips, and never in a million years Remus could have imagined Sirius being capable of this tenderness, and his heart almost breaks from so much care. “Don’t you want to be with me?” Sirius asks, and the unmistakable plea behind his low, rough voice is enough to undo seven years of cultivated self-control.

“Y _es_.” Remus kisses his throat, wet and open-mouthed and with little to no idea of what he’s doing except that Sirius is his best friend and he trusts him, he loves him, he _worships_ him.

The blue flame fizzles and goes out, pitch-black darkness falling over them like a soft blanket.

_I love you_ , Remus thinks, and, _when you have it all, you must be scared of losing it all the time,_ and then reason is eclipsed by Sirius’ hands and mouth and body, and love glows bright in the dark embrace of their first night together.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://aryastark-valarmorghulis.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
